I need to see, feel & hear the sea. This innate need has been building inside me like a ground swell from the storms of my soul. I need to feel, just sense the presence of nature. I’m feeling claustrophobic, smothered, detached. A void of the simple existence of water and trees. I want to sit and look to the horizon and see nothing, to sit amongst trees and watch the meandering of a small stream over rocks. For the first time that I can think of in my life I want to really get away from it all, I don’t want to get to anything, to do anything, just away from concrete and grey. I don’t want to ride, I don’t want to be with anyone, I just want to be alone with nature. I want to go bush. To sit by an open fire at night and stare at the embers. I don’t want to be contacted, I don’t want to contact, I just want to be. No running - to or from. Just the moment.
I crave to see the horizon.
I ache for the smell and the sound of surf.
I want to feel the relief and freedom of open space.
My thoughts over the past few months have been so tied up with the future, options, things I want to do and how I can possibly have the money to do these things. My head swarms with things to do, how to do it, schemes, scams, possibilities, what ifs.
I want to forget it all for a while and live the now. Get back to the journey, rather than positioning for the next journey.
Written in February 2002. My first winter in London - a very big landlocked city and the first time I'd lived away from a harbour city...
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